Finding the balance

I think there's a certain balance that guys in the community need to reach to get good at game. A lot of times I'll game with guys who clearly have the intention of getting laid and even been in a couple sets where a girl has asked something to the effect of: "does your buddy try to fuck everything in a skirt." I think this may be the drawback to guys feeling like they have to do 12 sets a night or open the whole room. Now there is of course nothing wrong with wanting to get laid (don't we all), or wanting to get your 12 sets a night in. I just think girls can sense when you're that guy and it can work to your detriment at times.

On the other hand, there have been nights where I did not really get into state (a confident, alpha one at least) but got into a conversational mood and I've been told by my buddy John that I'm acting like a guy that's just out to have fun, not the guy that's out to get laid. And he's been right, those have been times where I didn't really build attraction.

But on the nights that I've been on have been somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. It has been when I'm opening sets because I feel like it and with no worry about the outcome of the situation. This includes the few times when I've gone direct. I usually just come off as a fun, confident guy out to have fun and if I meet hot girls along the way, even better. Those are the nights when girls are opening me and I have to make almost no effort to get into set. Girls will even tell me that I come off very confident and self-assured even though I'm not even approaching that Matador level of alpha male energy, but I think that women find that fun, confident attitude appealing. I've noticed the same thing about Mystery and Matador in set the times I've seen them. They work the room but it seems to happen because that's who they are rather than because they're out to get laid (even though we know they are).

It's something to think about for me as I try to consistently find that state and reaching that balance is key to getting to where we all want to be.

There are no perfect situations, just opportunities

Something I've learned as I've gone out and gamed the past month and a half to two months is that I'm too often waiting for perfect moments to make moves rather than making things happen. Something my buddy Jonathan said to me last night after I failed to number close a cute shot girl rings very true to me was this "you've got to be a guy that makes things happen." And despite all the success I've experienced recently I still don't consistently make things happen. I often don't open any sets until I've been opened or if someone else opens my first set. A lot of that is because I don't have a ton of natural confidence but my confidence grows exponentially after I've experienced success or in other words validation from women.

While that does explain a variety of situations where I haven't closed or been aggressive it does not explain situations when I am in my smooth, confident state and don't close. Saturday night was a prime example. I had a good night at Living Room and Brick Bar at Las Olas and on the way back to my car I run into an old college buddy, George and some of his friends. Having already experienced a ton of success that night I felt like the guy who girls want and was probably something of a walking DHV, and despite my intentions being nothing more than shooting the shit for a bit I ended up gaming one of his cute female friends pretty much by accident and ended up walking with her arm in arm back to her friend's car but without getting her digits first. At the time I rationalized this to my buddy Enrique that I was caught up enjoying the moment (I genuinely did like her) and that I was somehow waiting for the perfect moment. Either way this means nothing more than not closing the deal and I need to stop justifying it. There are only opportunities, not perfect situations.

The Unnatural

Hello, my name is Karl and I'm the unnatural. This is my first post documenting my progression from unnatural to what I hope will be a master of pickup. The purpose of this blog will be to document my successes and making them habits rather than mere occurrences, as well as identifying my sticking points and correcting them. But before I go any further I think I should give a little background as to why I'm here and why I'm starting this blog.

At first glance you would probably guess that I would be the last guy you would expect to need help with women. I'm a tall (6-foot-3), thin, good-looking, black guy (and you know we're all supposed to be blessed with superior natural game, right), I have a good sense of humor and am a pretty good conversationalist. But these truths tell you nothing of where I've come from or how I got here.

I was overweight and very shy as a kid and often made fun of by the boys and never wanted by the girls. I didn't have my first makeout until I was 17, did not lose my virginity until I was almost 19 and did not have my first girlfriend until I was 19. So I am essentially as unnatural as one can get.

But this blog won't be about re-living those moments. It will be about building upon the progresses I have made and becoming the man I know I can be.